|Myths and Facts about Domestic Violence
|Myth #1: Domestic violence is not a big problem in our society.
Fact: Every 15 seconds a woman in this country is beaten, and each year,
between two and four thousand women are beaten to death by someone they
Myth#2: Women are just as violent as men.
Fact: 95% of domestic violence victims are women. 90% of female homicide
victims are murdered by men, 75% of those are murdered by their partners.
Myth #3: The woman must like it or else she would leave.
Fact: there are many reasons why women do not leave battering relationships.
Among them are the hope that it will stop, the fear that the danger will
increase when she leaves, as well as psychological and financial dependency
on the man. A woman may love her partner, but she does not love the abuse.
Myth #4: The woman must provoke the abuse.
Fact: The only person responsible for the abuse is the abuser. An abuser will
strike our at his partner regardless of what she says or does.
Myth #5: Domestic violence is a private, family matter.
Fact: Domestic violence is a CRIME. Prevention must be advocated by all
areas of the community, including religious groups, law enforcement, the legal
system and the family.
|Why People Stay In Abusive Relationships.
Love. You love your partner, and there are still times when your partner is very loving.
Hope. You have many memories of happy times, and hope those times will return. Your partner may
promise to change, or you may think if you do things differently, the abuse will stop.
Making light of the abuse. Your partner may deny that his or her behavior is abusive, or act like ti's not
such a big deal, and you want to believe this. It's very painful to admit that someone you love would
hurt you, so you might try to convince yourself it's not really that bad.
Blaming yourself. Your partner might blame you for his or her abusive behavior- saying you made him
or her angry, or that you did something to deserve it. A part of you may believe this.
Link between love an violence. If you grew up in a home where there was violence, or if you were ever
hit by a parent and told they were doing it because they love you, you might have learned to think that
love and violence go together.
Hopelessness. You may feel like you'll never be able to be happy, you'll never find a partner who
treats you any better, or that all relationships include abuse.
Gender roles. If you are a woman in a relationship with a man, you may have learned from family,
religion or culture that men are supposed to be in charge, can't help being violent, or have the right to
discipline their women. You may believe that women have to put up with this behavior and try to keep
their men happy.
Embarrassment and shame. You may not want to admit what's going o to others because you're
afraid of what they will think about you.
Financial dependence. You may depend on your partner for financial support.
Lack of supportive relationships. You may panic at the thought of being without a partner.
Fear. Your partner may have threatened to hurt or kill you or someone you care about if you leave.
Not wanting to be alone. You may panic at the thought of being without your partner.
Loyalty. You may feel the right thing to do is to stick with your partner no mater what.
Rescue complex. You think you can change, fix, or heal your partner if you stay.
Guilt. Your partner may make you feel guilty about how much it would hurt him or her if you left. S/he
may even threaten to commit suicide.
Children. If you have a child with your partner, you may believe it is best for the child to have two
parents who are together.
Dependency on drugs of alcohol. Many people use drugs of alcohol as a way of cooping with abuse,
which then makes them less clear and strong and makes it more difficult to leave.